Thursday, September 29, 2011

Colombiana

Of the three movies I watched the night of my “people in dire straits” marathon I liked this one the best. I really like Zoe Saldana. She’s living proof of why you don’t mess with little women.

Anonymous summed up the movie on IMDB as “A young woman grows up to be a stone-cold assassin after witnessing her parents' murder as a child in Bogota. She works for her uncle as a hitman by day, but her personal time is spent engaging in vigilante murders that she hopes will lead her to her ultimate target - the mobster responsible for her parents' death.”

I am so going to bag on whoever wrote this. I hope it’s none of the three or four people who claim to read my blog. This person very obviously missed the Movie Summation 101 class in which everyone learned that if someone is one thing by day they must be something else by night. And that should be hit person. Just kidding. Sorta. And I so so so so love the use of “stone-cold” as an oft-used adjective for film characters. Insert sarcasm font here.

And now for how Anonymous was wrong. Cataleya (Zoe) is a hit man/person/woman but the people she’s “hitting” are the ones who played a part (even if it was teensy tinesy) in her parents’ murder. The only thing she does that is not condoned by her uncle is she leaves a calling card of sorts. She decorates the “victims’” bodies with the flower after which she’s named. Yeah. Not so smart.

How was the acting in this film? Not too bad for what it was. What on earth does that mean? It’s an action-y film. No one expects the acting to be Oscar worthy. Well, they don’t. Okay, I don’t. I have no idea what you expect.

I loved young Cataleya. This girl was one tough cookie. I wish she’d been in the movie longer. And I loved how the movie peeps didn’t make her “stone cold” at the beginning. Sure, she held it together during her escape but cries it out when she’s safe in the arms of her uncle. Awwwww! And older Cataleya isn’t as stone cold as Anonymous would like you to believe. She loves her grandma and her uncle and seems to really care for her boyfriend/lover/whatever (so romantic, no?).

Some of the scenes left me scratching my head (figuratively) or giggling at the blatant irony. At the beginning of the movie when the bad guys are coming to kill the family, Cataleya’s dad leaves her sitting at the dining table while he and the Mrs. go to face the intruders at the front of the house. But wait! There’s more! Not only is she left sitting in plain sight, he’s also just given her something important that she needs to see safely in to the hands of someone at the American embassy. He hasn’t exactly set things up so that this can be done easily. Nice planning, dad. It’s not ruining anything to let you know that she escaped. If she didn’t this would be a very short movie.

Another scene shows Cataleya going to “hit” one of the bad guys who just happens to have a glass-covered shark pool on his patio. Even if you haven’t seen the movie yet you pretty much know where this is going, don’t you? If you know that someone is in your home to harm you DO NOT GO ANYWHERE NEAR THE SHARK POOL! And certainly don’t stand in the middle of the glass. This is good to remember if you’re ever in that situation. I’m just sayin’.

This is another movie in which foreshadowing occurred that I was really really really hoping wasn’t foreshadowing. It involves her family. I’ll leave it at that.

Colombiana is “Rated PG-13 for violence, disturbing images, intense sequences of action, sexuality and brief strong language”. I would’ve rated it R just because I wouldn’t want PT or anyone around her age to watch something like this.

The breakdown is simple: Sex/Nudity (partial), Drinking, Cussing, Violence? Yes, to all. IMDB lets people comment in the “Parents Guide” about each topic. The following was said about the cussing. “At least 1 F-word (9 in the international version), 1 not fully enunciated F-word, 13 scatological terms (1 mild), 2 anatomical terms, 6 mild obscenities, name-calling (stupid, crazy, idiot, bad apple), 1 religious profanity, 8 religious exclamations.” I am SO going to use “scatological” in a sentence some day.

I would recommend this movie if you’re wanting to watch an action/revenge/romance type movie and you’re over 17. Otherwise…not so much.


1 comment:

Rylan - Art and Appetite said...

I've been so wanting to watch this for a while now. I first saw the trailer when I was watching King Kong. It sounds so intesting. I love revenge films! It makes me feel like I am there, hahaha!