Thursday, December 1, 2011

Young Adult (R/94 Min.)


This does NOT seem to be the season for good movies. I saw Hugo last week and liked it and will be posting on it this weekend but other than that the last few films have not been kind. I thought Jack and Jill was bad but at least part of it was funny. This movie was just plain awful. Let me try to sum it up for you.

Mavis Gary is a lonely, washed-up young adult book author who decides to go back to her hometown in Podunk, MN. That’s not really the town’s name but you already knew that, didn’t you? Her plan is to track down her old boyfriend, Buddy, who now has a wife and brand spanking new baby girl and break up their marriage because he is so obviously unhappy. Along the way she runs into the guy who had the locker next to hers in high school. He was brutally attacked back in the good ol’ days and now walks with a cane. We get to hear a LOT about his crooked…ahem…member that was also victim to the attack. Mavis calls him Hate Crime Matt. She’s so sweet. Mavis tells Matt her plan. Matt tries to stop her…repeatedly. Mavis calls Buddy. They meet at a local sports pub. Buddy invites Mavis to come hear his wife’s band and after the gig Mavis drives Buddy home because he’s drunk and Beth (his wife) wants to hang with her band mates some more. Mavis and Buddy kiss. Buddy calls Mavis the next day and invites her to the baby naming ceremony. She shows up, asks him to speak in private and then tries to kiss him and get him to run away with her. He is having none of it. He not only stops her kiss but he blocks it with his hand and pushes her away then asks her to leave. When she’s out in the yard with all the other party goers she tells Beth she needs a real drink. Beth gets a pitcher of what looks like sangria and turns around too quickly. She bumps in to Mavis and dumps red drink all over her. Mavis flips (not literally), cusses Beth out and makes a general fool of herself. Buddy comes out and basically tells her that Beth made him invite her and that she’s the town joke. Ouch! She goes to Hate Crime Matt’s house and has relations with him. At this point the audience was strongly expressing their disgust. The next morning she extracts herself from Matt's embrace and sneaks out. She goes to the kitchen and helps herself to some coffee and conversation with Matt’s sister. The sister tells Mavis that she’s the best thing that happened to that town. Mavis, of course, agrees. She leaves, picks up her dog, who has been neglected in the hotel room through the whole movie, and then she heads home learning not much at all from her experience. Oh, and did I mention that Mavis is drunk through most of the movie? No? Well, she was.

There. Now you know what it’s about so you don’t need to waste your time or money. I was hoping this was going to be along the lines of My Best Friend’s Wedding. It wasn’t. And then some.

I was so completely disappointed in Charlize Theron. What on earth was she thinking? And what were the writers, director, producers, crew members, catering companies, etc. thinking? Did they really all sit there and watch as this was being filmed and think, “Wow! I see an Oscar in our future!”? They couldn’t have. I can’t believe this even made the big screen. This is another film I strongly considered walking out during but I stayed. For you. Because that’s how I roll.

I took Leanne with me and kept looking at her during to see if she was as pained as I was. Pretty much. I have a feeling she’s going to stop going to movies with me. Even if they ARE free. I felt dirty after. I needed a shower. And to reformat my brain. Well, I’ve probably needed that for years. I’ve decided that not only do they need to reimburse us the money it took to drive to the theater, they also need to send me two blank pieces of paper and replenish the ink used to print the passes. From hearing the people who sat around us we weren’t the only ones feeling this way.

I absolutely do not recommend this to anyone. Period. I refuse to even break down the cussing, sex, etc. Just don’t go see this. If more people read my blog I’d feel bad about saying all this but only a few people do so I won’t be affecting much of the box office take. I would like to say, “Thank you!!!” to those of you who do read this. It’s nice to know I’m not just talking to myself. Again. Oh, and speaking of not recommending this movie I’d like to give a big shout out to the intelligent life forms who brought their young children to this film. WHAT.WERE.YOU.THINKING?!!! It’s rated R for goodness sake!

P.S. I got my wish and Elizabeth Reaser (Esme from Twilight) had a bigger role in a movie. Finally. She doesn’t get to talk much, though, and she looks horrible. Be careful what you wish for.

P.P.S. There is absolutely no need to stay through the movie much less the credits. Unless you want to see who to blame.

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