Monday, July 2, 2012

Magic Mike (R/110 Min.)

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It’s not surprising at all that Magic Mike did so well at the box office this past weekend. We all knew that we would be seeing Channing Tatum in his [nearly] altogether however, if it continues to do well then there are a LOT of women out there that are either lying to or withholding information from their friends. This was so far from being a good movie. The woman two seats down from me was complaining about being bored. And this was just 10 minutes in. Was I expecting it to do as good as it did for the opening weekend? Yes. Yes I was. Was I expecting it do great? No. No I wasn’t. I’m not completely oblivious. I knew going in to this that it wasn’t going to be anywhere close to Oscar-worthy. They shouldn’t even be mentioned in the same sentence. Why did I go? Because I wanted to. So there.

For those of you who’ve been in a cave the past few months, Magic Mike is the story of a stripper who really wants to own a custom-made furniture business. He befriends another guy at one of his many other jobs and introduces him to life as a stripper. He’s less than satisfied with his current situation and his personal life is an absolute shambles as he appears to be avoiding healthy relationships.

Makes you want to run right out and see it, doesn’t it? Here are the pros for Magic Mike. Most of the strippers are very easy on the eyes. Though one did remind me of Mickey Rourke. No thank you very much. The other pro?...The movie ended. Now for the cons… While the scenes inside the clubs were bright and sharp, the rest of them were almost sepia and dull. It was so very blah. And so was the script. I would say the acting wasn’t too bad if I hadn’t been distracted by what the actors were forced to say. This is yet another movie in which I have to ask what was going on at the viewing. Again, did they actually watch the entire thing and think, “Man! We are awesome!” Or did they think, “We don’t really care about the rest of the story because women have one-track minds and they’re not going to care that everything aside from the strip club scenes is stupendously awful.”? Maybe “stupendously” is a bit of an exaggeration…but not by much.

I would say that I don’t need to do a break-down for this but when I came out of the movie and saw the line of women waiting for the next showing I noticed that one woman was standing there with a 5 or 6 year old. What the crap was she thinking?!!! There was nothing about the trailers that should have made people think this was okay for children. There is nudity including a male member taking up a good portion of the screen. The rest of the nudity was limited to the women. Yeah, we saw men in thongs but the “parts” were covered. There is lots and lots of drinking and a couple of drug scenes. There is most definitely cussing. And did I mention the vomit-eating piglet? No? I’m sure there was more but I was so numbed by the banality of it all that I just don't remember.

If you are determined to see this movie I would recommend finding a way to see it for free. Since I’m not a big fan of strip clubs anyway, the women in the movie and in the movie theater really bugged me. I’m sorry but it’s true. I guess it’s nice to get away and just be silly with your girlfriends sometimes. I just choose to indulge in other forms of silliness. So again you ask why did I go see this? I have to admit it was because of Channing. I’m sorry, Channing. You have officially broken me of seeing one of your movies just because you’re in it.

There is no reason to stay through the credits but if you decide to anyway, they are mercifully short. Not surprising really. It didn’t take many people at all to create this near disaster.

P.S. To read a much funnier (more funny?) review click here. Please be warned that this review itself is not appropriate for children. I'm just sayin'. And I am apparently one of the "snotty film buffs" to which she refers. At least for this movie anyway.

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