Friday, June 10, 2016

Warcraft (PG-13/123 Min.)

Warcraft (PG-13/123min.)

Okay, so I never played World of Warcraft, but I did play Starcraft.  And since it’s highly unlikely that my ex-husband reads this blog I’m gonna say that I totally rocked it.  He played WoW, though, so I saw it a lot!  Enough of that though.  I was waiting for Batman v Superman to start when I saw the trailer for yet another fantasy movie.  I try not to watch trailers because they completely ruin movies so I was barely tuned in to this one.  Something caught my eye though and I very nearly yelled, “Warcraft!!!”  I did, however, whisper it loud enough for my cousin to turn to me and whisper back, “Nerd.”  Well…yeah.  And I know what some of you may be thinking.  Oh great.  Another game-based movie.   While that is true, it is so much better than some of the other ones out there.

Warcraft begins with a human facing off against an orc.  We saw them running towards each other and then, we never saw them again…that we know of.  And this fact just dawned on me.  And now I’m frustrated.  But this is about the worst thing you’ll hear me say about this film.  I liked it.  I really, really did.  Everyone around me seemed to, too.  So, after the two guys who faced off and we never saw again, we were taken to an orc world.  It was dying and they needed a new world to take over. Enter Azeroth.  Well, the orcs did anyway.  Through a stinkin’ big portal.  Unfortunately for them and fortunately for the citizens of Azeroth, only a “small” contingent of orcs could make it through the portal at that time.  The others would have to wait. 

The main characters consisted of a handful of humans, a few orcs, a half-orc/half-draenei (yes, I did have to look that one up), and a couple of mages.  The humans were, of course, not hard to look at, but the orcs were amazing.  I loved the special effects in this movie.  I can’t even imagine the amount of time it took to make one orc, let alone thousands.  As far as the scenery throughout the film, it seemed to have been stolen from several other movies. I felt some Lord of the Rings, some Avatar, a bit of Star Wars, and even a little scene from the Bible, as the lady who sat next to me said over and over and OVER again.  There may have been more but I missed it if there was.

I don’t think I can think of anything negative to say as far as the cast is concerned.  I thought they were all pretty good. After the orcs, I liked the mages.  After that, I liked the animals.  And finally, I liked the humans.  I mean, they were just humans after all.  No great effects there.  A couple of them were not hard to look at, though.  As far as star power goes, I only recognized one person in the entire film and I’m not telling who it is.  She was a bit of a shock though.  I never would have pictured her in this type of role though she did a great job for the minute-and-a-half we got to see her.

I’ve tried to stay pretty positive in this review but I do have to say one somewhat negative thing.  Why on earth would you make a portal so tall when you really only need one a little taller than the tallest orc?  It doesn’t make sense and was a complete waste of energy.  If they’d made it smaller, they probably could’ve fit more orcs through.  And totally changed the rest of the movie.  So maybe the powers-that-be knew what they were doing.  But still…

Warcaft earned its rating because of violence only.  There was no cussing, no drugs, no drinking, no sex, no nudity.  The violence did get a bit gross though.  When men get their heads bashed in by giant sledgehammers or stepped on by big orc feet and squish like melons, it gets a bit gross.  Fortunately, these humans didn’t have normal [for us] colored blood so it wasn’t as bad as it could have been. 

As I’ve said many times before, this is not a movie my mom would enjoy because of the violence but I would highly recommend this film for WoW players and non-players alike.  While it does majorly push taking care of the world in which you live and how important honor is and should be, this was all entertainment all the time. I don’t recall a down moment in the entire movie. It had my attention from the get go.  Go see this.  It’s fun. 

Thursday, June 2, 2016

Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping (R/86 Min.)

Popstar. Where to begin.  I guess I could start by mentioning how glad I am that I didn’t write this review shortly after the movie.  It would have been bad.  Real bad.  Like, why-was-this-movie-even-made bad.  I still kind of wonder that but with not nearly the passion I felt as the credits started rolling.  Okay, that was too generous.  I felt that just a few minutes into the movie.  But!!!  Having had a couple of days to think about it, what on earth did I expect?  It’s called a mockumentary for a reason.  It’s doing nothing but making fun of real popstars.  Repeatedly.  Ad nauseum.  Over and over again.

Popstar is the story of three guys who grew up together, formed a boy band, split up when one boy got more attention than the other two and his subsequent fall from popstardom.

If you go in to this movie without a sense of humor, you might as well turn around and walk back out.  This is not for the perpetually serious.  It seems to serve one purpose and one purpose only.  To bag on stars who get a little too big for their britches.   And it does it in the most offensive and profane manner possible.  The lady who sat two seats down from me busted out with a belly laugh at the beginning of the movie and that was the last sincere amusement I heard from her the rest of the time.  She and several people, myself included, shared a lot of awkward laughter.  The oh-so-over-the-topness of it all became very uncomfortable.

Before some of you anonymous commenters get the chance to ask why I even bothered going to see Popstar, let me answer it for you now and save you some time.  I thought it was going to be funny.  Period.  I’m all for a good spoof.  This was just so overdone that it became pointless.  The person who went with me (we’ll call her Patty) probably got tired of me looking at her for her reaction.  And it just dawned on me that I’m not really talking about the movie any more, am I?

I think I only liked two songs out of all the ones we were lambasted with; I’m So Humble and Incredible Thoughts.  The rest are either incredibly silly or are mostly the F-bomb with a few other words added as filler.  Most of the songs seemed to go for shock value over any kind of music-writing ability.  Considering how the popstar acted away from the stage, this really wasn’t surprising. 

I know there’s been a lot of negative here so let’s switch to some positive for a while.  What did I like most about Popstar?  The cameos.  To say they included a few celebrities is putting it mildly.  Let’s see, they had P!nk, Snoop Dogg, Carrie Underwood, Usher, DJ Khaled, Adam Levine, Seal, Mariah Carey and her boobs, Martin Sheen, Jimmy Fallon, Nas, Danger Mouse, Ringo Starr, and several others I’m sure I’m forgetting.  The most unexpected cameo was Simon Cowell.  I would never, in a million years, have thought he’d be in a movie like this.  It’s nice to know he does have a sense of humor.  The funniest was Justin Timberlake.  We got to see him several times, thank you very much.  And last, but not least, Michael Bolton.  Also unexpected but by the time we saw him, we were no longer star struck.  Sorry Michael.

And then there were the celebrities who didn’t play themselves. Okay, so Justin didn’t play himself but, come on, he’s Justin.  These included Sarah Silverman, Tim Meadows, Imogen Poots, Bill Hader, Joan Cusack, Maya Rudolph, Will Arnett, and others.  It definitely didn’t get boring with all the famous “extras”. 

This movie is rated R and deservedly so.  There’s nudity, including male parts.  Well, one male part. But we got to look at it for a long, LONG time.  It wouldn’t go away.  Patty just referred to it as the “unfortunate penis scene”.  Yup. That pretty much sums it up.  To say there’s cussing is the understatement of the century.  I decided early on not to keep count because I thought it would be a waste of time. Now, I kinda wish I had.  Just because.  Drugs…yes.  Alcohol…yes. 

I have no idea who I would recommend to go see this film. I absolutely will NOT watch it again.  If I ever owned it, it would be because some funny person gave it to me as a gift.  Dearest friends, please no.  When we were discussing this very issue after the movie was over, it was decided that this is definitely a frat boy type film.  If you liked The Neighbors or This Is the End, you’ll more than likely like Popstar.  I don’t know if any of my friends would like this.  Oh wait, I take it back. I do know a few and if they go see this, some of the lines will be added to their already inane movie line repertoire. Sigh. 

Having said all that, if you’re going to go see Popstar, go with the understanding that the entire thing is tongue in cheek.  If you think you’re going to experience good, clean humor…no, but humor nonetheless.  If you go for any reason other than to laugh at celebrities poking fun, you won’t enjoy this at all.  Basically, if you aren’t a male between the ages of 18 and 24, or have that stereotypical maturity level, you aren’t the target audience and should probably skip this one.

P.S.  There’s nothing after the credits.  You’re welcome.